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First, remember that "shaming" really is another name for rudeness.
And these days, there's a tsunami of taunting, flaming, backstabbing rudeness -- labeled
"shaming" -- where rude predators deliberately, even brutally, insult and criticize others.
Sure, shaming is callous, malicious, inconsiderate, selfish, and often cyber-powered. But
you have the power to deflect it. Don't get mad. Get calm.
Really, try not to take it personally.
Yes, it's easy to say. But just remember this -- shamers humiliate or criticize someone
because they're not feeling good about themselves. Their demeaning behavior toward
anyone is fueled by their own insecurity, a self-worth that's out of whack. It's true.
You know your own value.
Remember, you are your own person. You know that not everyone's perfect, but you also
know that you do the best you can. No one has the right to diminish or denigrate you. No one.
So don't give them that power. Take control.
Their rudeness proves their weakness.
Shamers are insecure personalities. There's much evidence that shamers are very
self-
involved and that their insecurities fuel their toxic preoccupation with the lifestyles,
ambitions, successes and frailties of others. And they'll cause pain and/or embarrassment
to anyone at all, because they crave recognition, that's how starved shamers are for
attention. They turn a personality glitch into an attack mode.
They're aggressors because they're so insecure.
By attacking or tormenting another person, shamers actually inflate their own egos. Their
rudeness targets children, teens, job seekers, celebs, innocent humans -- anyone can be
a victim of the rampant shaming epidemic. Rudeness is their weapon of choice.
Shamers
are not influencers for good.
They inflict mental and emotional trauma on others to feel
good about themselves.
Words can wound, but try to keep your perspective.
Experts agree that with very twisted motives, shamers try to drag someone down using
emotional, and/or physical abuse to try to inflate their own self-worth. In other words, chronic
criticizing or demeaning of others has everything do with their own failings and low opinions
of themselves. So, if you're able to take a mental step back and remember that shamers are
rude because they feel inferior or incomplete, hold that thought to help you take the sting
out of any rude shaming being aimed at you. Because it really isn't about you.
You control your destiny.
Try to brush off any toxic rudeness by remembering that a shaming attack on you is fueled
by their own insecurities about themselves. Psychologists call these toxic aggressors
self-
involved narcissists. They cause hurtful events or experiences to others, even total strangers,
because they can't get enough attention to help them feel good about themselves. When
you know it's a glitch coming from an imperfect character, that should give you a good reason
not to take any shaming to heart.
Don't fall for their failing.
Taking aim at someone with the intention of spreading criticisms just to inflict pain and or
humiliation, to demean someone, magnify any deficiencies of imperfections -- even someone
they don't even know -- is the spiteful, malicious goal of someone who is flawed themselves.
Shamers have such low self-esteem, that they'll denigrate anyone, just so they can look
themselves in the mirror and feel important, feel some self-worth.
Wars are started over words.
We need kindness, compassion in the face of corrosive, relentless shaming. It's desperately
needed these days. The upsurge of nasty social shaming seems to be fueled by bad motivations,
bad vibes, bad intentions, resulting in deliberate, cruel, sometimes ruthless actions to
demean
someone else.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T is never out of style.
Shaming someone is toxic rudeness. Making comments on someone’s physical appearance
(whether it's "ugly", "fat", "too thin")
among others, might seem like a joke or light-handed
comment to some, but comments like
these can and do have bigger consequences.
Enough is enough.
At this point in history, we should try to all get along, try to find joy for small and not so
small reasons. We need to stop trivializing, attacking and diminishing others. We need to
stop enabling and publicizing shamers' activities. And we need to stop
disguising shaming
someone as humor, witty repartee, sitcom put-downs, or clever banter.
Can't we just live and let
live.
Life's too short to spread or
suffer unnecessary heartache. Can we stop dragging folks
down, instead of elevating those around us who deserve recognition,
understanding,
or just plain human respect.
Here's some very helpful anti-shaming
advice, guidelines and ideas...
For anyone who's been victimized, targeted or plagued by a shaming bully,
these
resources can help you act and react, help you take control. Plus, be sure
to also take
a look at some of the anti-rudeness links that follow for added help and
perspectives:
7 Ways to Respond When Someone Shames You
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201710/7-ways-respond-
when-someone-shames-you
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7 Things To Do When You Feel Blamed & Shamed
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18065/7-things-to-do-when-you-feel-
blamed-shamed.html
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Know Your Rights and Consequences If You Face Public Shaming
in Your Workplace
https://www.monster.ca/career-advice/article/public-shaming-at-work
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Science Daily reports that 6 in 10 Mothers of Children Ages 0-5 Have Been
Criticized About Their Parenting
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/06/170619092158.htm
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A significant percentage of men who feel and act suicidal and sadly
commit suicide either have been or are about to be humiliated
https://www.businessinsider.com/humiliation-kills-the-wound-that-will-not-heal-
for-men-2011-9
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What is Mommy Shaming and What are The Most Hurftful Trends
https://healthblog.uofmhealth.org/childrens-health/why-mom-shaming-on-
social-media-and-person-needs-to-stop
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According to the
CDC, "in the past decade, headlines reporting the tragic
stories of a young person’s suicide death linked in some way to bullying
(physical, verbal, or online) have become regrettably common. There is
so much pain and suffering associated with each of these events, affecting
individuals, families, communities and our society as a whole and resulting in
an increasing national outcry to 'do something' about the problem of
bullying and suicide."
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/bullying-suicide-translation-final-a.pdf
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How Rude!
A few words about rudeness... It really is a jungle out there.
We all know it. Small insults or problems can add up to big piss-off moments. Some
are everyday annoyances, some more egregious, some that can make us go ballistic.
We've all been there -- whether we're at the store, restaurant, doctor's office, bus,
plane, highway, rail station, airport, sporting event, concert, spa, beauty shop,
hair dresser, at a box store, trapped in an elevator with a cell phone broadcaster,
we can't escape rampant rudeness.
“Kids are rude because they’re modeling rude behavior that they see around them,”
says April Masini, relationship expert with the AskApril.com advice site. “From
parents to teachers to rappers to movie stars—kids learn from what they see, so if
your kids are exposed to rude behavior, they’re going to model it.”
Most folks believe that our society has no manners, is becoming more violent, and definitely
more rude. Sexual harassment is rude, school bullying is rude, on the job
conflicts and social
media hate posts are rude, teen rage is rude, aggressive drivers and road rage are rude,
cyber-harassment is rude, even dangerous. Yes, we're definitely more rude, less civil to
each other.
Anywhere humans gather, there will probably be some swinish etiquette, bad or no manners,
uncouth behavior, ignorant public stunts, uncivilized public conduct, reckless actions and
stupid human tricks. Well here's some helpful data on how you can try to cope with rudeness.
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But first, some facts --
Compared to 20 or 30 years ago, do you think people are more rude, less rude, or
about the same?
74% more rude
4% less rude
21% about the same
Statista 2016
https://www.statista.com/statistics/539628/rudeness-survey-united-states/
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Rude behavior got your tongue? Living in a time of mounting rudeness, we need all the help we
can get to survive it, walk away from it, or turn it around. "Here’s the Perfect Thing to Say
When Someone Is Rude" from Time Magazine.
http://time.com/5135513/rude-people-danny-wallace/\
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Brace yourself. But you already know this -- rudeness is prevalent, it's contagious, and it's toxic.
It's actually bad for our health...
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/pop-culture/why-rudeness-so-toxic-how-stop-it-ncna876131
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The rudeness epidemic -- it's everywhere...We all know it...here are some tips on how to --
hopefully -- bring civility back:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/travel/advice/2017/11/12/rudeness-runs-rampant/851983001/
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Rude begets rude. We often fight rudeness with rudeness. And it can be contagious, research
shows us some scary observations.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/ct-rudeness-contagious-20180627-story.html
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Where are our manners? Where's our civility? Here are some tips on how to rise above the
fray and graciously deal with rude people...
https://www.thespruce.com/graciously-deal-with-rude-people-1216923
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Parents are not modeling proper behavior in front of their children...Why Your Kids Are
Ruder Than You Were?
http://observer.com/2015/07/why-your-kids-are-ruder-than-you-were/
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How to deal with a co-worker who's rude to you...
https://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/articles/2017-11-06/how-to-
deal-with-a-co-worker-whos-rude-to-you
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How to deal with rude people -- anywhere, anytime... there will be someone who gets on
your nerves. There are different strategies to address rude people based on the situation.
Take a look.
https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Rude-People
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Daily Plate of Crazy offers advice on rudeness, and wow to fight it...
https://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2018/03/13/rudeness-and-how-to-fight-it/
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Whether you're the culprit, or someone else is, here's some advice on how to act, react,
be objective, even fight rudeness with kindness -- 10 Smart Ways to Deal with Rude People:
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-smart-ways-deal-with-rude-people.html
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